Marriage

This week in class we talked about marriage and early marital adjustments. Something I don’t think I have mentioned before is that I am going on a mission for my church in two months. I will be serving in the Calgary, Canada mission for 18 months. The reason I am even bringing this up is because I have noticed that when people find out I am going on a mission they seem to feel the need to tell me the hard/bad stuff about their missions. They don’t know that I am already nervous about this new chapter in my life that I know is going to be hard. Instead of helping me feel better by telling me all the good and happy parts of their mission they tell me how hard it is, how they would never do it again, and to make what they said better they end with “but my mission was a great experience”. This is a trend I see with marriage too. I feel like most people who talk about marriage don’t have many positive things to say, this leads to fear being installed in the younger generation who still has that decision to make. Something I really love about this family systems class is that we talk about both the reality and hardships of marriage, but our professor doesn’t forget to remind us of just how amazing it is.

One of my biggest fears when it comes to marriage is my husband having an addiction to pornography. One of the best people I know just had to go through a divorce for this very reason. She was willing to help him and work things out for their family but he more willing to give up his family than he was to give up his vice. I am nervous that I will be left to raise and provide for my family with out a husband because I will not be able to compete with the fantasy’s that he is able to so easily live through pornography.

We discussed the fact that most patterns are created within the first year of marriage. How you communicate, problem solve, etc. are habits that will carry on throughout the rest of your marriage. This is something that is great to talk about whether you are married already or not. Just because habits have been created doesn’t mean that they can’t be changed or corrected. Just having the discussion about the reality of these patterns leaves room for individuals to identify those patterns in their lives. This was something very beneficial for me because it lets me go into my future relationship with my husband, with this principle in mind. I can be mindful in my communication and in my interactions with my husband. I also now have the knowledge to have conversations with my husband about the patterns and habits that we create together.

Another thing that we got to talk about is the marriage and engagement trends in this day and age. Marriage in general has decreased but so has the traditional engagement. Now the engagement consists of a conversation between the two people, they then go by a ring together. In the past it has been a symbol of the guy giving and promising himself to the girl. He used to have to put forth so much effort to show his commitment and I think the level of commitment to the proposal is reflective in the commitment in a lot of relationships now days.  Divorce is now such a common and easy way out when things get hard in a relationship.

I know that marriage is such an important thing for families. Marriage before children provides them with more stability and commitment. I also have a testimony that families play a huge role in our Heavenly Father’s plan for us.